Ming Penrod

Ming, it’s been over a year now and I still look for you each time I walk in the door, wanting to see and hear your excitement and have you run in circles with a shoe or small toy. When I am outside, I look for you to be near my feet sniffing around or trying to chase a bird or squirrel from “your” yard. When I am in the car, I still look to the back seat for your car seat, to see your little face looking out the window or at me in wonder of where we are going. When the evening has arrived and the world has calmed down, I still look for you to want to be near me on the couch. When I am in bed at night, I still look for your little body, to pull you close and whisper to you, “mommy’s got you” as you snuggle up yet closer still. When I wake during the night, I still listen for your heavy breathing or your little snores. As the sun breaks in the early morning, I still look for you to come kissing on my face to tell me that it’s your time to go outside and have breakfast.

If there were ever a time that you didn’t feel how deeply I loved you, how deeply connected to you I am, I am so sorry. You were my constant companion during failed relationships, my car accident and major surgery. You were the one thing that I knew I could always rely on, my one constant. The bond that I shared with you is unlike anything I had felt, you were in my every heartbeat. I will say this, there hasn’t been a day yet that I haven’t shed tears for you, missed you or wanted just a few more days or even just hours with you, something, anything. I miss you so much more than I can manage. If it is possible, in any way, please come back to me, I am trying, however, I am failing miserably at being without you….

Mommy misses you… SO MUCH!