There’s a place with no politics, no questioning of motives, no emotional games or mistrust, only love. You know for certain that someone missed you, while you were away, every time you’ve been away. You can create the stupidest game and they’ll play it. Pals… Raynor was a rescue dog. He was estimated to be one to two years old, when my sister’s kids and Momma rescued him. He had scars, a dent on his skull. I had suspicions that he survived serious abuse. Somewhere around age five he grew beautiful color patterns on his upper back. I saw him eat poop before. Yes, I tried to stop him, many times. He loves to roll in the grass, when the sun is brightest. Raynor’s favorite move was to evade you, just barely out of reach, only to launch into the air at you and kick off of your belly. Or, maybe he was just saying in “Dog” that I had gotten fat and bouncy. He could run around the pool for an hour and never get in the water once. That was one of his favorite games, to circle the pool, while someone swims. He particularly loved my nephew Tommy, more than anyone. I was almost jealous. I mentioned their relationship, because Tommy didn’t get his college coursework done today: My mother spent the last hours with Raynor. We agreed that he would go to an emergency vet, even if they recommended euthanasia. My mother received her chemo treatment just yesterday. She was tired. Rayner passed away this morning, breaking her already labored heart. On my drive home, text threads appeared from my large and supportive, loving Fam. Despite everyone wanting to pay Raynor a visit, I asked that they leave it for another date. I was feeling very vulnerable today and wanted to be alone with Raynor’s body. I didn’t know why, but I called my nephew Tommy to assist me. We dug a very wide grave, wrapped Raynor in yellow cloth, lay him on a four foot pillow, and placed my captain America t shirt over him. Then we played a song for the movie “Babe”. I partially write this obituary for Raynor and partially for Tommy, who responded to his uncle sobbing for the first time over the phone. Tommy consoled me, had dinner with me, even let me hear about his girlfriend and college classes. As for writing about my experience, with Raynor, there are no words right now that’ll do it. We’ve lost so many friends and family, but this is something that doesn’t get fixed. I wish I had more time to truly honor you and think about the words to say here. But this serves a purpose enough. Goodbye my hunter, my sniffer and runner. Goodbye my friend who makes ugly faces, when I get home. I hope the faces I made were uglier enough to show in your language, how much I love you and miss you already. It took today to realize that you were in fact, my dog, my protector even, and “My Pal”…

Posted by gfeir on April 10, 2024